Main Market tumbles 6 percent

President in hospital, Oxley comments don't help

SEATTLE (RWN) - The president's bronchitis and comments by the head of the religious police on the impropriety of the stock market helped push the market into a 6 percent tumble today that spared no sectors and put the market under 10,000 for the first time in a decade.

Technology stocks were down 8 percent, manufacturing stocks fell 4 percent, service-industry and mineral stocks both fell 6 percent.

"There's a lot of people not feeling good in there today," said Abdel Rahman, a trader with the Main Market. "Things just started bad and got worse and worse as the day went on."

The market opened at 9 a.m. at 10,621. At 9:34 a.m., news came across the floor that President-for-Life Damon Kingsley had been admitted to Seattle Faithful Medical Center with bronchitis and heart palpitations. Selling activity immediately increased and the market fell 150 points by 10:15 a.m.

"Things started to feel a little better then," Rahman said. "Everyone got caught up in 'The President's going to die,' and then the panic went away a little bit later. Things were stabilizing just a bit and I was thinking of getting some lunch. Then the Mullah got on TV."

Mullah Oxley, head of the Religious Police, appeared on RWNTV's "Daytime with Matt Mullet" program to discuss the increasing power of the Black Robes in the country.

Mullet asked Oxley if people needed to fear the Black Robes. "I don't think people need to be afraid of the Black Robes if they're good Muslims," Oxley said. "Live a clean life and a good life, adhere strictly to the teaching of the Qur'an and you'll never have anything to worry about. But, Matt, I worry about the people who bend the Qur'an for their own reasons. The moneylenders - I've never been a fan of that industry, as you know - and the people who would have honest, hardworking Muslims gamble away hard-earned money in stocks."

"So, Mullah Oxley," Mullet responded, "do you see the Black Robes focusing more on what a lot of people see as the more secular parts of our nation, like the banking industry and the stock market?"

"I think the Black Robes need to be aware and focus on how every part of our nation runs, because we are an Islamist nation and we should be a beacon to others. We have just set up a committee to look into how the stock markets can be run in a more pious way, if that's even possible."

The market plummeted 400 points on Oxley's comments.

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