Detroit rolling again

Auto works 100 percent online after attacks

DETROIT, Mich. (RWN) - Two decades after the Detroit autoworks were destroyed by Bible Belt partisans, they're running at full capacity.

When the Islamic Motor Works 1505c sedan rolled off the assembly line yesterday afternoon, it marked the first time that Detroit was fully back in the game.

"I'm not going to say that it was easy, or that it was cheap," said Greg Abdul, IMW's president. "Because it was neither. But we have upgraded our factory and upgraded our workers to a new level, where we can not just compete, but dominate, on a global level."

IMW was the last automaker to reopen, in part because its works were so damaged by the 2015 bombings that wrecked the entire Detroit auto industry.

General Motors, Handy and Funk plants have all been operating at full capacity since last year.

"It felt so good to be back," Handy President Elwood al-Souk said. "I can only imagine how good Greg feels right now. What's really important is showing the Bible Belt that thought we might be wounded, we can always repair our wounds and come back stronger."

A new marketing plan is in place to try and sell cars to the Bible Belt, if a trade agreement can be worked out.

"Better gas mileage and nicer styling should say something to the Bible Belt consumer," said Mohammed Saunders, an analyst with Kane-Webb Financial Services in Boston. "The cars produced down there have all the grace of a pig. The Handys and IMWs and Funks - especially the lower-priced Funks - should take a big share out of that market."

The President celebrated the occasion by issuing a statement: "All citizens of the Islamic States of America should stand a little taller today, walk a little more confidently, because the people of this great, God-fearing nation have shown that they are able to take ashes and make them into mountains, solid places of steel and rock.

"The return of our automobile industry is just one step. We endeavor to be great in all things."
Early sales of the Handy and Funk brands have been particularly strong, especially after the companies pursued marketing campaigns that played to consumer's patriotism."

"It's wrong to buy a car made in China," a Handy ad said. "Buy Islamic. You have a choice."

That ad is credited with raising sales of the five-seat Handy Quarterback 35 percent in a year.

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